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"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."  
-Erica Jong
"Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off."
  - Ellen DeGeneres
See Spiritual Growth

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met."  - Rodney Dangerfield
See Spiritual Relationships

"The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh
for five seconds and think for ten minutes.”
- William Davis quotes
See Spiritual Awareness

“English? Who needs to spend time learning that?
I'm never going to England!”
-Dan Castellaneta
See Spiritual Enlightenment

“Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning 
to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”
-Robin Williams
See Spiritual Journey
Spiritual Advisor Jordan Canon
"Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected."
See Yin-Yang

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out.
A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 
'Damn, that was fun.'"   -Unknown
See Temptation

"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. 
It's a question of finding a sickness you like."
 -Jackie Mason
See Spiritual Health

"Do not try to solve all life's problems at once,
learn to dread each day as it comes."
-Donald Kaul
See Spiritual Direction

"The only function of economic forecasting 
is to make astrology look respectable."
-John Kenneth Galbraith
See Spiritual Astrology

"Some people like my advice so much, 
they frame it upon the wall instead of using it."
-Gordon R. Dickson
See Spiritual Advisor

"Let us make a special effort to stop communicating
with each other, so we can have some conversation."
-Judith Martin
See Spiritual Counseling

"The American people would not want to know of any
misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make.
-Dan Quayle
See Spiritual Quotes
Humorous Spiritual Quotes
Of course you can be spiritual and have a sense of humor. Here you find some funny quotes and a link to the spiritual page that is the "punchline" of the quote. Often the quote means the exact opposite. 
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Free Spiritual Guidance by Jordan Canon Spiritual Advisor
Jordan Canon meditating

Funny Humorous Spiritual Quotes

Free Spiritual Guidance
by Jordan Canon, Spiritual Advisor
Free Daily Spiritual Astrology Readings
"A bone to the dog is not charity.
Charity is the bone shared with the dog, 
when you are just as hungry as the dog."
 -Jack London
See Charitable Donations

"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe
when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
-Woody Allen
See Spiritual Laws

1. If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- Dan Quayle

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.  
~Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch

We are not creatures of circumstance; we are creators of circumstance. 
-Benjamin Disraeli

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.  
~George Ade

You can't have everything... where would you put it?  
~Steven Wright

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.  
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.  
~Jack Handey

I'm very happy to say that my home life is my haven.
-Derek Acorah

When the act of reflection takes place in the mind, 
when we look at ourselves in the light of thought, 
we discover that our life is embosomed in beauty.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.
-Don Herold

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working with one.
-Bill Gates

Wise men take advice. Fools don't. 
-Jackie Mason

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say No in any of them.
-Dorothy Parker

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
-Milton Berle

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.
-Albert Einstein

It requires a great deal of faith for a man to be cured by his own placebos.
-John L. Mcclenahan

The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage
over the man who can’t read them. 
-Mark Twain

Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do.